Homesick

I'm officially homesick. I have at times missed home before but today I had a "What the heck was I thinking coming here?" moment. I seriously just want to dig a hole and hide in it for awhile. I finally after two months got my PE equipment, except what I was told I was getting and what I got were two different things. Up until they delivered the shipment on friday I had this order form given to me saying what I would be receiving in the order. I was pretty stoked and excited because I knew I would have so much to work with and that finally it would be a little bit easier. But today I opened all the boxes by myself and low and behold didn't get a 1/3 of the thing I had ordered and was told were coming. They gave me a new sheet today with the order that was placed. I am just angry that I was told for months that I was getting this order and then I get a completely different one. Many of the things they said can be made in Vietnam, well then why aren't they made and at the school already, I placed this order at the end of February. I mean they even got rid of my gym mats and jump ropes. Both can be made here, but I don't see any gym mats! Also the jump ropes here are terrible, I bought some when i arrived to use temporarily and most of them have broken, I just don't understand why they would take jump ropes off the list and not even tell me. My first request on the order was for this ultimate scooter game pack and yes they did order it but it didn't come. I am just so angry and frustrated right now. I wanted this so bad and really I am so happy here, the children are amazing and my coworkers are great but I've never done this before. This is my first time teaching and I still don't have a "gym" after two months, the equipment I was told was coming, isn't, and I just feel like no one gives a rats....

I don't want to complain about it more but I am just so frustrated. I just want to teach the children and have the tools to do that. I really think I have a great boss who knows what she is doing but this whole working for a corporation as a school thing is tough. Especially when they have never done it before and don't know really want we need, just that they need to cut costs and do it where they see fit.

Today I am just sitting here wondering why I got myself into this. I mean finding a job back home would have been hard but at least they would have the tools needed to teach. I just feel so let down after opening up my boxes and seeing the final order. I just don't see how they plan on having a physical education program out of those items, especially when about 3 grand of equipment didn't even show up.

I'm so conflicted right now. Being type A and a perfectionist is really kicking my butt right now. I just want to do such an amazing job teaching and feel I am letting people down right now. It is just so hard to be all excited to get to work when I'm in a little room that echoes so much with random equipment that is falling apart. I really thought that once I received the equipment I ordered I would be better and once I got the "gym" I would be smooth sailing. I just wish I would have known that what I ordered was tossed out and replaced.

Really needing the love and support of my family and friends right now. Just hard right now being so far away, what I wouldn't give for a hug from one of you!