Homesick

I'm officially homesick. I have at times missed home before but today I had a "What the heck was I thinking coming here?" moment. I seriously just want to dig a hole and hide in it for awhile. I finally after two months got my PE equipment, except what I was told I was getting and what I got were two different things. Up until they delivered the shipment on friday I had this order form given to me saying what I would be receiving in the order. I was pretty stoked and excited because I knew I would have so much to work with and that finally it would be a little bit easier. But today I opened all the boxes by myself and low and behold didn't get a 1/3 of the thing I had ordered and was told were coming. They gave me a new sheet today with the order that was placed. I am just angry that I was told for months that I was getting this order and then I get a completely different one. Many of the things they said can be made in Vietnam, well then why aren't they made and at the school already, I placed this order at the end of February. I mean they even got rid of my gym mats and jump ropes. Both can be made here, but I don't see any gym mats! Also the jump ropes here are terrible, I bought some when i arrived to use temporarily and most of them have broken, I just don't understand why they would take jump ropes off the list and not even tell me. My first request on the order was for this ultimate scooter game pack and yes they did order it but it didn't come. I am just so angry and frustrated right now. I wanted this so bad and really I am so happy here, the children are amazing and my coworkers are great but I've never done this before. This is my first time teaching and I still don't have a "gym" after two months, the equipment I was told was coming, isn't, and I just feel like no one gives a rats....

I don't want to complain about it more but I am just so frustrated. I just want to teach the children and have the tools to do that. I really think I have a great boss who knows what she is doing but this whole working for a corporation as a school thing is tough. Especially when they have never done it before and don't know really want we need, just that they need to cut costs and do it where they see fit.

Today I am just sitting here wondering why I got myself into this. I mean finding a job back home would have been hard but at least they would have the tools needed to teach. I just feel so let down after opening up my boxes and seeing the final order. I just don't see how they plan on having a physical education program out of those items, especially when about 3 grand of equipment didn't even show up.

I'm so conflicted right now. Being type A and a perfectionist is really kicking my butt right now. I just want to do such an amazing job teaching and feel I am letting people down right now. It is just so hard to be all excited to get to work when I'm in a little room that echoes so much with random equipment that is falling apart. I really thought that once I received the equipment I ordered I would be better and once I got the "gym" I would be smooth sailing. I just wish I would have known that what I ordered was tossed out and replaced.

Really needing the love and support of my family and friends right now. Just hard right now being so far away, what I wouldn't give for a hug from one of you!

Birthday in Nam

Here are my birthday buys!!

Well I'm another year older, at the point where we don't need to actually say the age anymore. But I did have a wonderful birthday here in Vietnam, it was more like a 4 day celebration. On friday night there was a group of 20 of us that went to Barbeque Garden to eat. We ordered lots of yummy food, me mostly meat (of course) to grill at the table. It was a great chill time. After some people went out to party but I was hot and tired and wanted to save myself for saturday night. I know I can't party two nights in a row anymore.

Saturday I went out with Stephanie, Sophie, Todd, Avis, Frank, Nell, and Stacey. We went to four different bars. Started off in the backpackers district for a fish bowl for only $8, yummy. The dj even played happy birthday for me. Then went to a cowboy saloon that had a phillipino cover band playing metallica among other awesome songs. They were hilarious, it was a great time. I made friends with a regular and got 3 free gin and tonics. Also met the manager of the bar and band and he had them sing happy birthday to me (AWESOME) and they gave me a gift. So I am now the owner of a beautiful cd case that has a picture of Seventeen Saloon on it saying "Best Music in the Town" I used it as my purse for the rest of the night, my little wristie. I partied like it was my birthday that is for sure. I had a great time and finished up the night with street pho at 4am. It was my first time having street pho and it was delicious. It was so odd sitting on little plastic stools with different plates and silverware than each other, rats in the background. But really it was amazing and ONE DOLLAR, crazy huh?

My awesome birthday partying definitely hit me hard on sunday, let's just say I had a rough morning errr day. I might not have changed out of my pjs all day! It was rough but worth it. Monday brought me back to school for my actual birthday. It was super sweet, the kids sang me happy birthday and some of them gave me gifts, one 4th grader brought me cookies, another made me a card, it was so cute. Avis made me chocolate chip cookies, they were spectacular and made me think about my mom and how she always made me birthday cookies. So the day went well. I tried to tell the younger classes that my birthday was a holiday, not sure if they believed me. After work I went to dinner with Diane and Vicky at Restaurant 13, it is a yummy place right on the Saigon River, they surprised me and treated me to dinner, it was really sweet. After I went to Fanny's for dessert with Avis and Stephanie and had a yummy crepe from them on my bday. I didn't expect all the love and caring from my coworkers because we haven't known each other that long but I really really appreciated all that they did for me from dinner on friday, to drinks sat, and going out on my bday, monday. It was a great time, it was the first time I was really far away from home. I had a blast and even got to see my mom and dad sing me happy birthday on skype! Not sure what I would do without skype, I can't believe I lived in London for 6 months and only got to hear my parents voices on the phone, skype is incredible. You all need to get it stat. My name is jenniferahuff, find me!

So today I decided to go treat myself for my birthday and do a little shopping. I am still having some trouble going into the little shops because the people are like "one size" or "that is too small for you." I know I am bigger than I use to be and of course bigger than the people here but they have no tact at all, it gets frustrating and I still haven't gotten my skin thick enough to not let it bug me. But I found some awesome deals and a shop that had "Big Sizes" ha ha! Even though it is frustrating to hear those comments and find things my size, it is a steal shopping here. If you guys need a new winter coat, snowboard pants, north face anything, come here. They have all this stuff, new and cheap. Also they have banana republic, zara, gap, dkny, calvin klein, you name it. Basically everything you can buy back home is here. It is here because if they print the wrong size on the label or the cut of the top is a little off, they give it to people here, cheap. So here is what I bought today at Lucky Plaza: white capris $5, North Face backpack $5, DKNY top $8, black tank top $6, pink shirt $4, 2 pairs of Nike shorts $6 each, Project Runway Seasons 1-6 $10, The Blind Side dvd <$1, Knight & Day dvd <$1, a wooden map of Vietnam for our apartment wall $9. Bringing the grand total of my shopping spree to $60. Did I mention I love shopping here?

So yes I'm another year older, but I had a great birthday here in Vietnam and it wouldn't have been so special without my coworkers here. I also really felt the love from back home in emails, facebook messages, and on skype, thank you!!!!

Getting around Ho Chi Minh City

Traffic here is the oddest and craziest thing I have ever seen. I'm starting to get use to it actually so I thought I better write and tell everyone how it is here. You know what stoplights and stopsigns are right? Well here that seem to be optional. Sometimes people stop, usually its can I get through the intersection and then they just go. I use to think that if someone did that back home they would be in a huge fender bender, but that is just how driving goes here. It is even worse on motorbikes, there are no one way streets, its how can I get from point A to point B the fastest and if that means going the wrong way, so be it. People even drive on the sidewalk when the traffic is backed up on the street here. Traffic jams take a whole new form here, they happen because no one wants to let someone else go before them. I just think about when you go to a aporting event and after their are thousands of cars and you take turns getting out of the parking lot, street, etc. Their is no your turn, my turn here, it is MY turn all the time. We went to get massages tonight and we had an extra 20 minutes added to our time in the cab because of a traffic jam. Instead of just waiting in the two lanes of traffic, the cars formed 6 smooshed lanes that only made it worse and then the motorbikes start to weave in and out of cars, it is mad chaos. The right of way doesn't seem to apply here. It is just fascinating to watch people drive cars and especially motorbikes. I thought driving and texting was bad back home. I see people on motorbikes texting in this crazy city, now that takes talent :-)

Tonight we went downtown to get massages at Zest (becoming our regular spot) and after Diane and Vicky headed back to Saigon Pearl but I was hungry and wanted to grab something before heading home. I started walking, I got a yummy milk tea drink and then decided to see if I could find the few places I knew of in the city. Of course I know no street names and there are very few landmarks that are distinctive but I managed to go from the massage place to Ben Thanh Market to where our hotel is we stayed in when we arrived. I was pretty impressed with myself and it wasn't that long of a walk. The sad part is I still don't really know which way is north when I am in the city, I actually am not sure in our apartment either :-( But I'm pretty proud of myself for navigating the streets solo and not getting lost.

Walking around tonight reminded me of living in London. These cities are completely different but in some ways similar. I feel really safe here, just like in London. I was not worried walking alone at night as a woman. I know there are places I should not do that here but overall I feel safe in HCMC. I'm starting to feel like this is my home and that I'm not a tourist anymore. This being said I know that I will always look like a tourist. I enjoy just walking and seeing all the different shops and restaurants and the people. It felt good to feel independent again. I know coming here was a pretty independent thing to do but since I've arrived I've been pretty dependent on the other teachers. I feel myself settling in and getting my bearings. Now that I finally have a gym membership I can workout when I want, it feels great.

In other news, my work permit came in this week so they can apply for my temporary residence card. Also I got a copy of my labor contract in Vietnamese so I can finally go to the bank and transfer money back home. Ah the joys of being a grown-up and having bills to pay.

Tomorrow night we are going out to celebrate the Sept birthdays, mine included. There are 4 of us international teachers with birthdays within 10 days of each other, pretty cool. We are going to barbeque garden, my fav place here so far. I'm sure it will be a fun weekend!!

When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure!

As everyone has probably heard, my Grandma Huff passed away last Wednesday night surrounded by 9 of her 10 kids and many grandchildren in Green Bay, WI. It has been a rough week for me, and my faith and perseverance has been tested a lot. The hardest part is accepting that she is gone. She was only in the hospital for a few days. I was lucky to be able to talk to her the day before on the phone. She asked me about Vietnam, her mind was all there right until the end. I am so thankful for that conversation and being able to tell her I loved her one last time and hear her say it back to me. When Grandma Graves passed away I was away at Knox and it was really painful as well, but I was able to come home and say my final goodbyes. I have struggled being so far away right now, so many emotions. I am lonely and sad but also angry and feel helpless. I have been talking to my family a lot and that has really saved me, being able to hear my dad, mom, and brother's voices has saved me. Greg brought his computer with to Green Bay and I was able to talk to all my aunts, uncles, and cousins on skype after my grandma passed away and I will always treasure being able to share our sorrows together in that way.

You would think that through all this my faith would have been lost but I've never felt God so strongly. When I woke up at 6am on thursday morning I called my dad and he said grandma was still fighting even after everything and to call back in the afternoon. After I lay in bed and Amber and Grandma Graves told me that she was going to be ok. I called dad back at 6:20 to tell him to tell Grandma that. I called back right when she passed, it is like she knew.

I think deep down that both my grandmas both just really wanted to go to the beach and that is why they passed when they did. Grandma Graves passed away right before I went to Mexico and Grandma Huff before I went to Mui Ne Beach. I think they really just wanted to come with me on vacation. It was a relaxing weekend and Mui Ne was awesome but it was also hard being there knowing everything going on back home.

But I know that God is there for me. Ravi told me he was praying for me and thinking about me a lot and at church he looked at the front of his hymnal and it was the book my parents had dedicated to me. That made me smile and I just knew how much love and prayers I had coming from far away to me. As a kid I always tried to find that hymnal and never could. Ravi always gave me this quote, "When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure." I really love that quote and i hold that dear to my heart.

I'm doing alright now, I am kind of numb now and past all the crying (for now). I am just really sad to know that I won't have any grandparents see me get married someday. I never met my grandpas but I know they were probably pretty great because my grandmas were incredible. But I had dad put a white rose with Grandma Huff just like Grandma Graves, it is my way of having them there for my future wedding.

I know I made grandma proud because whenever she had visitors even two weeks ago she had them read my blog posts about what I am doing over here. That is really touching and I'll always treasure that. Now grandma Huff gets to meet Amber and see why she had such an impact on my life.

I know that when I go home and visit Green Bay I will experience all the pain all over again. Being here it is easy to pretend it isn't real because I shouldn't be seeing her here, it is when I go back home. Although the distance makes it hard, I really appreciate all the love and support from my friends and family to me here. My roommate Sophie has been great and I really love how sweet and caring she is. I can see us becoming even better friends.

Love and miss you all back home!!!

Feeling the distance

I woke up this morning to find out my grandma is in the ICU. She is the only grandparent I have left and I'm really feeling the distance from home right now. My dad drove over to Green Bay already and I was able to talk to my grandma and tell her I love her and miss her. I also talked to a bunch of my aunts and uncles and cousins who were in the hospital with her.

I knew coming here that things would happen back home while I was gone but these first 6 weeks have really tested me. First my dad has surgery for prostate cancer, then Joyce (my psuedo grandma) has a stroke, my best friend Kelly got engaged (hugs) and now my grandma is in the hospital. I knew life would go on without me back home but lately it has been really hard. I am so thankful that I went to visit my grandma the week before I left to come to Vietnam. I knew seeing her it could be the last time, but it is still so hard.

I just keep hoping she pulls through yet again, she is a Huff after all, stubborn and strong :-) It breaks my heart to think that I might not have her at my wedding. She is all I have left, that makes it even harder.

Not only am I far away but I have/had a full day of teaching to do today. Luckily being with the kids makes me feel better and kind of get away for a bit. But my heart is definitely back home right now.

I made this choice and I don't regret it because ever since I lost Amber, I knew my life was going in a different direction than most of my friends and family. Because of Amber I knew to live for today and make your dreams come true because we never know how long we have here. My ring is a constant reminder of this, "The journey of a lifetime begins with one step." And luck have it, I'm wearing one of Amber's softball tournament shirts today. She really is the best guardian angel one could ask for.

So I ask that you all pray for my amazing grandma and take time to tell the ones you love in your life how much they mean to you, because you never know what tomorrow holds.

"Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game!" (Always with me Amber)